I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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