im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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