You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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