you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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