Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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