peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
