i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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