So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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