She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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