C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
