Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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