im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
