So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
