we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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