Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
