the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You made out with two different species that night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
