Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
