just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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