I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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