Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
