I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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