If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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