also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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