I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
