well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
