I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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