It was confusing and full of hummus
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
