She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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