I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He felt like a one man threesome
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
