Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We left the knife in your bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
