Betty ford says i'm here all night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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