I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
