I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't notice because vodka
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
