Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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