you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
