I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
