I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
