he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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