a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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