I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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