standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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