Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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