he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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