My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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