Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.