i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations