I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?