so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.