If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
