I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
