That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
