Nicole vs. Life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
