Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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