I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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