apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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