Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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