I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
