sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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