oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
