So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You took a bar mat shot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
