He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
