at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize