So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
