I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize