I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
