Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
