It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
