It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
